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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Top 5 relationship lies!



Be it an agony aunt or a best friend...everyone has a set of 'expert' relationship-advice to dole out to you. But more often than not, these 'tried and tested' words of wisdom fail to work in real life situations.

We try to dig the truth straight from the horse's mouth, as relationship experts admit the lies...

False advice # 1: 'Honesty is the best policy in love.'
Absolute honesty and the utmost trust make the foundation for a long-lasting relationship – this one is the chart-toppers when it comes to the most common relationship advice.
Reality: White lies become the saviour.
Maintaining 100% honesty and transparency in a relationship is like aspiring for a 'fairy land'. Whether to safeguard your own interest, or to avoid hurting your partner, white lies often become a 'blessing in disguise.' "Altering the truth or substituting it with white lies has nothing to do with wrong intentions. It's all about checking, balancing and adapting to a particular situation," says relationship expert, Kamal Khurana. "Full truth that seems irrelevant in a particular situation or may apparently hamper your relationship is better kept under wraps, until specifically asked for," adds Khurana. Sometimes white lies are any day a better option!

False advice #2: Never sleep over a fight!
"As a part of the regular advising sessions, my mom emphasised on thrashing out all issues before sleeping. The habit of hitting the sack with a mind bogged down with frustration and anger ends up ruining the next day and in turn spoiling the relationship," shares Madhumita Ganguly, a Delhi-based advertising professional. But the reality is different.
Reality: Sleep can only suppress the issues to pop up again.
Sleeping might appear as an ideal solution to a fight, but psychologist Aroona Broota says it's actually impractical and impossible to resolve an issue before sleeping. Usually, before retiring to the bed, both partners are exhausted with the day's work. And in such a state you cannot expect your sleepy and crotchety partner to give you due attention. Hence, there's no question of figuring out a solution. Aroona says, "The issue deserves patience and due attention. So, don't try to resolve them at night, but at the same time, don't forget the issue either. Decide a time to resolve it the other day and sleep. Sleep eases your anger and will leave you with a better frame of mind the next day. Take time out from your schedule and meet at a place out side your home and solve the issue forever, rather than sleeping over it every time it erupts."

False advise # 3: No 'sorries' and no 'thank you's' in love!
When actor Salman Khan penned the rule of 'Pyar mein no 'sorry' and no 'thank you'" in the 90s romantic flick Maine Pyar Kiya, it seemed everyone took it a tad too seriously. And soon the age-old mannerisms of saying a meaningful sorry after a fight or a hearty thank you for partner's effort went straight out of the window, with a cover-up that love is way deeper than mere petty 'thank-yous and sorries'!
Reality: Apologising and acknowledging your partner's effort does make a difference.
It's time to get real and get back to those nursery lessons that highlighted the importance of sorry and thank you. Fights and arguments do happen, but not apologising shows that you are taking your partner for granted and might give rise to ego-hassles in the long run. "I thought my husband would understand that I was feeling guilty for our fight but, somehow I didn't feel the need of saying sorry. But that spoilt the situation further," shares Smita Kathuria, a Mumbai-based bank executive. Psychologist Aroona says, "Good manners work everywhere. Saying sorry and thank-you should come as naturally as washing your hands when they get dirty. These are not just words, but the testimony of the fact that you are realising and assuring your better half that you'll amend the wrong. The the lack of it simply shows your casual approach towards a relationship.

False advice # 4: Any time is good time to have a baby.
Whenever the personal equation between partners tend to go topsy-turvy, mommies and grannies come to the fore with the typical advice – plan a baby. The birth of a baby is often related to a fresh lease of life in a stagnating relationship. It is thought that the baby will fill up the void in a couple's life making them forget their mutual differences.
Reality: Baby at the wrong time can make it worse!
"Coming of a baby when the parents don't feel the need to have a child together can be disastrous," says relationship expert, Arvinder Kaur, adding, "Parenting is a highly specialized and serious business. Until the parents clear the emotional mess between them and are financially ready, the baby should ideally wait. Else, their woes will get multiplied and the brunt will be borne by the baby, who will be many times exploited as a bait and bargaining device to keep the marriage intact."

False advice # 5: Marriage is not only about sex.
Thanks to gruelling urban schedules, sex is the last thing on a modern couples' mind. With due respect to the age old suggestion – 'spending time together is important', they often consider sex to be too much of an effort and find a happy escape in heart-to-heart talks.
Reality: Marriage means being together and you can't find a glue better than sex.
Well, you need not make love every night, but at the same time, you cannot take it completely out of your schedule! "It has to be a priority," says Arvinder. "Sex allows your partner to make the most intimate contact with you, which strengthens bonding. Sex in any form – caressing, holding, love making or having intercourse, is the most important exercise in vulnerability, which also lends physical comfort. The frequency of intercourse may come down with age, health factors and time, but for a healthy marriage you cannot negate the existence of having regular sex".

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