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Thursday, May 12, 2011

Why 20s Is Not The Right Legal Age To Drink

How do you celebrate a moment? How do you handle worries? How do you handle depression? The first honest answer by many would be alcohol and with time alcoholism has trickled down to teenagers as well. The age bar for teenage alcoholism is drinking by children between the age of 12-20. From the age of 21 in the US and 25 in India, one enters the legal age for drinking and also alcoholism. If the government is making 20s the right age for alcohol consumption, then why the attempt to eradicate alcoholism?

The worldwide data shows that most of the countries across the world has the legal drinking age starting from 20. 20 the age when most of us are still struggling to get out of teenage habits, health wise going through last phases of adolescence and mentality exposed to new things without caring for warnings. At that time is 20s as the legal age for drinking the right approach? The honest answer is 'no'.

Why 20s is not the right legal age for drinking?

1. Not The Right Age To Set Control – 20s as the legal age for drinking, is not right because at this age the maturity to set a control does not happen. For them it is a new achievement and any amount of it is not enough. For men specially habits like drinking and smoking is manhood, so control is left for girls to follow. The habit of drinking without control may set the base for alcoholism.

2. Harm Girls Reproduction System – Early age drinking is a disaster for girls and alcohol disrupts the puberty completely, which has a direct effect on the reproduction system of the girl. Girls reproductive system works on the right balance of hormones like testosterone and oestrogen. Alcoholism disrupts these hormones and also the reproduction system. Imbalance of these hormones also lead to mental imbalance.

3. Harms Brain Cells – This is true for any one in whatever age but for people who star drinking at an early age of 20s it is more enhanced as it is the time when they are already going through hormonal changes. Alcohol suppresses brain work by increasing the inhibitory nerve pathway. This function disrupts both cognition and memory of the person. 20s as a legal age of drinking is supports early disruption of brain cells.

4. Anti-social Activities – Early drinking gives rise to teenage inclusion in anti-social activities. One major side effect of early alcohol consumption is aggressiveness and depression. This gets a person anti-social as their thought and behaviour does not match the world around and this makes them vulnerable to anti-social elements.

Pointing down these four reasons of why 20s is not the right legal age for drinking and looking at the problems it can create, it is important to state that these problems also persists for anyone who is an alcoholic. Thus, is there any right age for drinking?

I love you !

Have you ever counted the number of words you have spoken today ? Gosh, you may be wondering who does that? Well no one. Quite right . However, do you remember atleast how many times you have told your loved one that you love him or her? Are you gonna wait for Valentine's day ? Come on. Get going and do something romantic like telling your loved one how much you cherish the times you spend with your sweet heart.

Make sure you say "I Love You" at least once each day to your spouse. Please make sure you mean it otherwise it serves no purpose. These three words give a lot of security and happiness in understanding that no matter what , you have a person who values you.

Be romantic and send love notes to ensure his or her day goes great. Such an exercise can take your relationship to different levels by enhancing love and intimacy with your partner.

Give your mate an unexpected hug, a surprisingly romantic kiss, or a teasing tickle often. Believe me, he'll love you more by the minute.

Be spontaneous and surprising with winking at each other, whisking your spouse away for an unexpected weekend alone, star-gazing together, taking a walk in the rain with one another. Go to the place , where you first met and surprise your loved one with a gift.

Remember when your sweetie looked stunning in her little black dress. Share memories by looking at old photographs and talking about memories you share together. Nothing is as beautiful as cherishing old memories.

Schedule a day to just be leisurely together. Go for a picnic or a night out or even a walk on the beach.

Share why you love your spouse. This exercise can make your life enriching by understanding that you have something special to treasure unlike other people.

Give the gift of your time by performing trivial chores for your spouse, such as folding the clothes, running an errand, washing the car, etc. Always make sure you acknowledge your gratitude for the unconditional help.

Don't forget anniversaries and birthdays.

Smile. It increases your face value.

Blow a kiss from across the room.

Dance with your spouse in your own living room. It's the most romantic thing you can ever do. Believe me, the feeling is great.

Hold hands to feel the unconditional warmth you get.

Plan and cook a meal together.

With all these tips, are you ready to say the three magical words?

Relationship Therapist Advice For Couples

When you fall in love there are many problems that tag along. Being romantically involved with a special person in a marriage may not end up in the way you wanted it to be so therefore there will be an extreme time when you might have to visit a relationship therapist to make your union work.

Buzz up!
Some couples find it hard to believe that if they visit a relationship therapist things may just go the same way as it is going right now , but you might never know unless you try if a relationship therapist really works for you and your partner to rekindle that love you once had.

If you are not keen on visiting a relationship therapist to help you solve your marriage problems, then let me tell you how you can do it at without a third interference.

1.The very first thing to solve in your marriage problem is to have a good communication with each other. Try to understand the feelings you have and set aside differences. It is important to notice your partner's emotions and feelings. Questioning on how he or she feels for the day or asking if he or she is happy or sad by the state of emotions is very essential. Through this it shows you are paying closer attention to him/her and thus helps affection to grow.

2.In a marriage, it has to be a two way street, in simple terms. Do not think of yourself all the time and ignore that he/she is existing. See to it that you involve yourself in your spouse's life so that you can help him/her through times of difficulty. In many marriages, couples think of themselves individually and their own growth towards life leaving out their partner. This, however should not be there.

3.Saying your sorry if you mean it is very important. Just to end heated arguments and petty misunderstandings some married couples tend to say sorry even if its not their fault. This does not makes sense at all. You should remember that an apology from the heart always brings about closeness and trust taking away all marriage problems.

4.After you have tied the knot, many married couples feel that all the romance in the relationship they had earlier is gone. It should never lead to this as one would get tired of the union. Make the marriage interesting just the way your relationship was before you said,'I do'. There are many ways to solve marriage problems and one fine way is to compliment each other now and again and express the way you feel. It will surely bind you closer.

These are some of the advice most relationship therapist would give to married couples.

Ways To Handle Doubts In A Relationship

It's a human tendency to think of the bad possibility before the good and this also gets applicable in relationships. When we own something precious, we always dread the possibility of loosing it and what can be more precious than relationships? Time, technology and monetary success, has trodden on emotions like trust and commitment giving rise to a disaster called doubt. When we own a thing as precious as relationship, the doubt comes to us with the feeling of love and grows up to become one the biggest relationship problems.

Buzz up!
Doubt in a relationship is the trace of the end being near and most of us suffer the feeling of doubt in the present society due to lack of trust and feeling of commitment. If your relationship has also been infected with doubt then here are some ways to handle doubt in a relationship -

1.Speak It Out – To keep your doubt on relationship in your heart is worse for both of you. Thus, the best way to handle relationship doubt is to clear it by speaking out. Talk to him directly about your doubts and the facts which gave rise to it. This will help clear misunderstandings and prevent a minor thing to take a shape of a huge issue.

2.Hold On To Trust – Most of the time relationship doubt is induced by external forces. The only way to handle is to hold on to your trust on the relationship. The undying trust on your relationship will slowly disappoint the external influence.

3.Evaluate The Situation – When you are suffering from a doubt, just take a third party position. Try to evaluate the situation and this will give you a clear picture of the situation and help you segregate the truth from the false.

4.Complain Session – This is a very interesting game which every couple should indulge into. One day list down complains which both of you have against each other. Let the other person read it and answer it. This will help both of you know each other well, enhance understanding, solve problems and also diminish the relationship doubts.

5.Give Space – Even if you are in a relationship you need to protect your space and give him his space. The definition of space is also different for each individual. When two people are in an affair, they need to understand it and respect it. This understanding will help solve the relationship doubts.

If you are suffering from relationship doubt as a victim or a doer, try these five tips for a happy and secured future.

The Strong Weapon For Girls Is Her 'Tears'?

“Its actually my tears which reaches out to his heart” So is it true that tears is a weapon of girls to express their feelings to the man she is in love with? Do you think it is bad to express your pain through tears?

The question is unanswerable as men feel we use it as a weapon to win support on issues not in favor of them. But that is not true! Some girls who cry are very emotional and fall weak in front of a stubborn partner.

Ninety percent of girls express in the form of tears. Be it happy tears or sad ones, they easily get attached to things and break down when it’s not up to expectations. For example, girls use tears as a weapon usually after a fight with their partner, girls break down because they get hurt over the behavior which she never expected from him. And all she hears from him is, 'Stop crying. It won’t work'. It is so, because men seldom cry unlike women.

Somewhere they also are emotional but their male ego does not make them express what they feel in the form of tears.To me, I strongly believe that tears are not a weapon of girls but it is definitely a way of expressing, that they are hurt. However, there are few women who cry to gain sympathy, therefore turning to tears as a way out. They use it as a tool to get the things done according to their wishes. Here is an example of tears as a weapon for girls, Sweta, a student says, “I cry when my boyfriend does not listen to me and when I want to get my work done.” True isn't it?

Crying does help in feeling light and you tend to come out of the pain easily. But, a handful of men don’t seem to understand this and are too harsh over this attitude of women. But there are men who consider tears as something very precious and feel that their girl should not cry. Ashish says, “I become very upset if my girlfriend cries because of me or due to my mistake. I try not to hurt her, but she always ends up crying”

A girl understands the value of tears, so, when a girl cries, her best buddies come to console her. Prerna says, “Whenever I have a fight with my husband, I call my friend to change my mood.”

Therefore, tears are not a weapon and if your guy considers so, then use it strongly to get your work done. Don’t wait for him to come with a tissue. If it is a war to prove yourself and get your work done, then cry…

Men Change After Marriage, Do You Agree?

Sunny days, rosy dates and a life filled with scented aura was my every day's tale. I was in love with the man of my dreams, 'my Prince', I would coil! As days, months and years passed by in our relationship, he came up to me on that beautiful starry night, got down on one knee and popped the question of marriage! I, stood there stunned and felt a little imbalanced soon uttering the words, Yes, I will marry you, I will make you happy and I will be the wife who will make all your dreams come true!

Never been so happy in all my life, I soon imagined life with my prince. I would gaze at the night sky every night as I lay in bed looking at what my future would hold for me, but little did I realize that life after marriage would definitely change!

I know that who ever has been reading this article and who has been married to their lover surely agrees that life after marriage is not that comfy after all and quite certain, some of us women also would come to a conclusion that the man they fell in love with turned out to be completely different when the ring was placed on the finger.

For most of us married women, it is a common question we ask ourselves, 'Why do men change after marriage'? Is it because of the in laws? Is it because of the life after marriage, which includes more responsibility and more tension or is it because they got the right wife so they needn't have to worry about their single life anymore. Surprising it can be all the reasons stated above.

According to me, though, on why men change after marriage is because they feel they have achieved the world's greatest thing ie a perfect wife and the best family and therefore once their goal is met they get back to their old habits, where the woman now has to deal with.

Life after marriage will no doubt change for there will be no more personal choices for the woman or the man to make anymore as decisions need to be made together and this is one of the main reasons why men change after marriage, for their 'independent world' is now shared with another!

There are many who will not agree that men change after marriage for they believe it is the woman who changes thereby changing the man. However, to me , men change after marriage and life after marriage is completely different, so is it necessary to change?

Age Difference In Marriage – Safe Or Problematic?

'Age' is no longer just a number that couples put aside when it comes to the big picture of getting married, having children and a happily life thereafter!

For most of the couples who are entering wed lock, they not only see if the partner is well to do but also care about the age!

Some say that age difference in marriage is not at all a problem as you seem to marry the person because the love you share with the partner is true and age does not interfere. However, age difference in marriage is a big thing as it comes with a bag full pf problems like that of misunderstandings, lack of trust and above all intimate conceptions which are bound to be a problematic.

Medically, it is proved that women who are above the age of 35 are more prone to having a lot of complications when it comes to planning a family, which might be a problem for the relationship if the husband is younger to her and longing to have children in order to carry on his legacy.

Age difference in marriage is also a problem when it comes to financial aspects. In the sense, if the husband seems to be a lot more older to the wife, early retirement will be a problem as she is depending on him for support. So, here, we see that couples should marry a partner who is about two to three years older and not more than that to avoid general life related aspects. The guy being a little older than the woman is the perfect age difference in marriage as it will create a stronger level of understanding and one would learn to be on the same level in the marriage.

But, what according to you is the right age difference in marriage? Should it be in such a way that both of them are of the same age in order to achieve 'perfect happiness'?

Do You Believe In Destiny When It Comes To Love?

Is relationship dependent on destiny or is it your karma that decides the future of your relation? There have been many stories where the couples separate due to their strong belief in destiny and less reliance on their karma to be together.

Blaming destiny for the success or failure of your relationship is not the right way of losing or winning love. Karma is what decides the future of your relationship and not the destiny. A common phrase, ‘You write destiny’ is right and should be applied to assure a bright future.

Belief in destiny alone can lead to a failure in a relationship. Generally couples in a relationship have faith in both karma and destiny but the point is destiny comes after karma. To keep a relationship one can’t say that he/she will leave everything on destiny and don’t take any attempt from one’s side to maintain, improve or develop it.

There are few couples who believe blindly in destiny and few who use it as an excuse to break up the relation if they don’t get proper reasons. Belief in destiny is not only limited to relationships but also to others like work, friendship and enemity. Any stage in one’s life, be it in their support or not is blamed on the destiny.

People have this prejudice that destiny is written before birth and they follow the pre written path without their own effort. Belief in destiny is most common among women. They are very emotional so they rely on destiny.

Destiny is nothing but a blind faith in some prejudice which has been fed into the mind when we are too young to understand and destiny was used as an excuse to stop us from crying when we failed in something.

For a successful relationship, destiny will not do much than from spoiling a lively and healthy relation. To make a relation work out and achieve success, the couple will have to look after each others happiness and fulfilling small to big wishes etc. Belief in destiny will only deviate you from your relationship and drag you away from your responsibilities.

So, in simple words, it is always better to just take one step at a time!

Benefits Of Getting Married!

1.Feeling love and cared for everyday is the most romantic thing in the world. In a marriage, you get to be showered with a lot of things everyday and yes indeed it can get exciting too.

2.The marriage benefits for every woman is that she gets to be a part of a new family. She also gets to be pampered and loved by all the members in the his family too.

3.Getting married is a good choice a woman can make in her life as she gets to go home to her man who is longing to see her, to hug her and tell her he loves her very much. If you have kids, its all the more wonderful to see the smile on their faces.

4.Another thing about marriage benefits is that you will no longer feel alone for there is now a special someone in your life with whom you can share your feelings and laughter with.

5.Getting married is also a wonderful thing as you get to spend to try out different things when it comes to intimacy. Marriage benefits here, as you feel love for each other and thus a positive outcome when it comes to lovemaking.

6.For women, getting married is ideal as it is every woman's dream to be a mother to a child. Though, there are other ways of becoming a mother ( single parent adopting) , being married and raising a child together with your man is a lifetime experience.

7.To get married, it is very easy. But, to find that Mr Right is hard! Marriage benefits for women is that they get what ever they want in the relationship and especially when it comes to materialized items!

8.One of the best marriage benefits is that in this union, there is no form of fear, when compared to a relationship ( a couple dating). This is because, in a marriage, the two people are matured and know what they want in life together as one whereas in a relationship it isn't that stable!

Here are some of the marriage benefits, which will surely put a smile on your face, after you read it.

People with less education prone to age faster

A study has indicated that people with fewer qualifications are prone to age more quickly.

DNA evidence suggested that cellular ageing is more advanced in adults with no qualifications compared with those who have a university degree.

Experts thought education might help people lead more healthy lives.

The British Heart Foundation said the London-based study, which looked at 400 men and women, reinforced the need to tackle social inequalities.

"Education is a marker of social class that people acquire early in life, and our research suggests that it is long-term exposure to the conditions of lower status that promotes accelerated cellular ageing," the BBC quoted Professor Andrew Steptoe, from University College London, who led the study, as saying.

Steptoe's team took blood from more than 400 men and women aged between 53 and 75.

They then measured the length of sections of DNA found at the ends of chromosomes.

These sections - called "telomeres" - cap chromosomes, protecting them from damage. Shorter telomeres are thought to be an indicator of faster ageing.

The results showed that people with lower educational attainment had shorter telomeres, indicating that they may age faster.

They also indicated that telomere length was not affected by a person's social and economic status later in life, as was previously thought.

Simply stub that habit

Kicking the butt is not so difficult. Keeping the resolve is. A reader Saket Jha talks about his battle with the life-consuming habit

Like everyone else, when Saket Jha smoked his first cigarette at the age of 16 in college, he thought he would never get addicted. The now 34-year-old, was of the firm belief that only people with weak willpower get addicted since they are too weak to control their desires. He knew his will was strong and was convinced that he would never get addicted. It was just one cigarette after all. Over a span of 18 years, he never realised how he became habituated to smoking a packet of 20 cigarettes a day. He still thought he wasn't addicted.

How it started
Coming from a small-town Ranchi in Jharkhand, Jha had just joined the graduate (honours) course at Kirori Mal College in Delhi. Life in the metro was fast paced and culturally way ahead of the one he had left behind. Jha was looking for a quick way to bridge the gap.

Being away from parental restrictions, he fell for smoking and cigarette became a symbol for freedom, independence and self expression. "I wanted to be cool. I wanted people to look at me and say 'he is a cool guy" says Jha. "Smoking a cigarette was also a good way to get into the good books of seniors. While many fellow students chickened out at the thought, it gave an edge to those who took the risk. Seniors would often invite us over to hang out with them whenever they were smoking. It became a fashion statement and greatly helped in getting over the small-town boy inferiority complex I had."

Right triggers
Jha stopped smoking abruptly one day. It has been three months now and he has not touched a cigarette. There were couple of things that made him consider the decision to quit smoking.

Few months ago Jha's good friend, Dr Ravikant Singh, who runs an NGO called Doctors For You, was running an antismoking campaign for children from the slums of Mumbai. Jha volunteered to preach about the ill-effects of smoking to these children. "I was bad at convincing them," he says. "How could I ask them to stop smoking when I was smoking myself?"

The next big trigger was when he saw his five-year-old daughter playing with his pack of cigarettes. "I always used to hide from the children and smoke," he says.

"However, by nature children are curious to know about things you hide. My daughter asked me 'Papa, why do you smoke?' and I had nothing to say. I realised, in fact, one can never have a good enough reason to smoke other than being an addict. I couldn't tell her I am addicted."

Embarrassed, it dawned upon Jha that he has been fooling himself all these years. He needed a cigarette the very first thing in the morning before going to the toilet, after breakfast, while travelling to office, after lunch, during tea breaks, after dinner at home and before going to sleep.

He couldn't do without it. The thought that he might develop cancer was always at the back of his mind every time he lit a cigarette. This time he decided to act on it.

"When you are young you don't have so many responsibilities," he says. "You only realise that life is important when you get married and have children. I don't want anything to happen to me till me at least till the time my kids are able to stand-up on their own feet."

Rough road
Withdrawal symptoms kicked in within couple of days of quitting. Jha suffered from constipation and could not go the toilet. He had chest congestion due to mucus formation and he would cough the whole day.

"For a week I was on tablets for constipation. I inhaled steam every day to cure my cough," he says. His gums would itch from time to time and he would salivate at the thought of smoking. He was angry, frustrated and irritable for almost a month. "I got annoyed at the drop of a hat. For instance, I forgot the car keys somewhere and would scream at the driver. If someone was talking loudly at work while I was working, I would snap," he says.

How he did it
Training his subconscious mind to not crave a cigarette was the biggest challenge for Jha.

One by one he identified factors that led him to crave a cigarette and devised a solution to divert his thoughts.

Feed the desire
Right after eating something, he craved a cigarette the most. "To resist the temptation, I started eating mouth fresheners such as sauf and chewing gum after meals," he says. "It worked successfully and it diverted my mind from smoking. Now I keep mouth fresheners handy all the time."

Kept his mind occupied
With nothing to do while travelling, alone for 45 minutes from home to office and back, he had the urge to smoke.

Though he was never a fan of reading, he developed the habit for the time spent travelling. In three months he has finished a book by Osho and a couple of works by Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyay.

At the moment he is reading a book on Lord Shiva. "It's the best way to get enlightened and to avoid smoking," he smiles.

Avoided other smokers
During the day he avoided going to places in his office that reminded him of smoking. This also meant not hanging out with this former smoking partners. "The company you keep defines your actions to a large extent. The moment you change your company, your actions change too," he says.

Stopped stepping out
Stepping out of the office during tea breaks was another catalyst which led to smoking. "Instead I hung about in the office canteen," he says.

Spent time with kids
At night after returning home, when Jha's mind would wander to thoughts of smoking, he would engage himself with his children. "I never smoked when kids were around me.

I never want them to get this habit. It turned out to be a very effective solution," he says. "I whined and cribbed the whole day about not being able to smoke but the next day I would feel so proud of myself that didn't light a cigarette. The thing is that one day everyone has to quit. You can either do it voluntarily or decide to wait till death writes a cancer warrant for you."